Razor Sharp
by The Legend of Derpy
Summary: "Idiot, that's not how you use a rah-zor." SasSai. Bloody fluff. Oneshot.


The hot water foamed at its mouth, sending froth to clutch the back of the semi-naked blonde man in desperation. He was spouting blood from his legs, allowing this minor aquatic inconvenience to go relatively unnoticed.

"Idiot, that's not how you use a rah-zorr!" he growled, his hair rolling over his folded forehead for exasperation.

"How the hell do you know? Have _you _ever used one before, moron?" Another semi-naked man accompanied his critical partner, his legs crouched on the top of a rock slab. In his hand, he gripped a cheap plastic razor, the type bought easily for a dollar in a ten pack. The scars dotting his fingers surrounded the object's blade like a halo.

"I've only known her for a short time, yeah, but I really don't think Mira's the type to leave sadistic parting gifts. You're pushing the blade too hard."

"Because you have one hairy body! How else are you going to get lighter legs?"

"They're no hairier than yours! Is that an insult?! Take that back, or all of my weapons leave permanent scratches on that armor of yours that you love so much! Would you like that, bitch?" The blonde flexed his muscles and proceeded to assail the naked steam with his tiny fists, creating punctures in the vapor's veil. Failing to faze accomplice, he halted his ruthless attack and shot a flimsy glare through the filmy white air, apparently attempting to appear intimidating.

"I'm not going to grab my shuriken at a moment like this to prove a point, so you can stop trying to pick a fight. No arguing in the bath, Sarutobi, that was the agreement we made."

"Hmmph."

"Come on, not that face. Think about how much more, eh, aerodynamic you'll be without this thick hair weighing you down."

Saizo continued to run the filed blade down the blonde's spindly legs without warning, releasing another broad patch of hair from their ties and into the contraption's metal trap. This time, he was fortuitous enough to not catch any unexpected skin, and almost felt the relief radiating off of his partner Sasuke. Wincing, he jammed the dangerous device down the bucket of water placed conveniently near the bath for what seemed like the hundredth time for that day, freeing the clogged hair from the blade so it was once again free to cut. A stream of blood ran past his wandering eyes, and he glanced up slightly. Sasuke was glaring at him again, but thankfully this time around he held his barrage of fiery comments to himself. It was courteous of Mira to bestow upon the village's remaining ninjas the last of her rah-zorr blades ("I keep them in case I'm stuck with my master in the middle of nowhere", she had giggled) after witnessing their rather "pubescent" attributes, but she hadn't exactly gifted the ninjas a how-to guide with her leave either, leaving the abandoned Saizo to figure it out on his own.

The ninja allowed himself a minute to slip into the tub's depths, the cold clambering away from his body as he did so. When this stretch of bliss had subsided he once again scrambled up the platform of the sauna, motioning for Sasuke to raise his leg. The blonde obliged but rolled his eyes in return, daintily plucking his leg from the tub's watering mouth and onto the smooth stone of the outer ridge. Saizo readied the instrument, its plastic handle feeling quite out of place in his battle scarred hands.

"Ready?"

"Spare me your warnings and just get it over with."

Slicing through the air and his friend's skin with an overly dramatic flailing of his arms, Saizo cut through another chunk of hair and flesh. A howl escaped from the habitually pain tolerant Sasuke's throat, who nearly allowed his leg to slip backwards into the boiling waters from his hysterical pain. Yet the injuries did not assuage the tide of abuses pouring from his mouth aimed at Saizo, and he coughed water - a small amount had infiltrated his lungs in the confusion - out of his lungs.

"Dammit, do something! My leg is even worse now! What the hell were you thinking?"

A look both ways behind his shoulders confirmed the classy ninja's fearful hypotheses, there wasn't a bandage in sight. Bringing the injured boy back to the housing complexes would earn the two the harassment of their lives for being naked anywhere near each other; the rumors surrounding them like a gang of bees were already too strong. There was no foreseeable way out of things without the cost of status. Without much thought given to this hesitant reasoning, Saizo put his lips on Sasuke's spilling cuts, gently licking them like a grooming cat. Sasuke nearly screamed again in the shock.

"Just what the hell are you doing? Get some fucking bandages!"

Saizo pulled his mouth away, his gums already swimming in blood. "I don't know, you asked me to do something! This is something, isn't it? Unless you want me to dip your exposed leg into the boiling water or ruin your lovely clothes by creating a tourniquet, don't bitch to me."

Sasuke remained an uncharacteristic shade of silent, allowing his partner to comb his bleeding grazes in quiet. Only the bubbling of the impatient waters interrupted the moment, coarsely coughing and demanding attention. Though he would later come to mentally deny doing any such thing, Sasuke found himself unwittingly dipping his eyes level with that of the man sharing the bath with him, only to snap his eyes back to their fixed position once he was aware of the current action. Strange, admittedly, but the man after all was sticking his tongue in his open wounds, what else was he to do? It wasn't as if it hadn't happened before. The tub meanwhile burned the skin of his softly padded feet and transferred that same heat into his upper body, finally ceasing once it had reached his face. His face was tainted by red tinge and wobbling lips, an obvious effect of a prolonged stay in a hot bath. Saizo held perfect eye contact, the heat of the moment rising into his cheeks, yet he successfully managed to stage a stoic appearance. Time came to a standstill.

A shuriken fell out of Sasuke's hair and pierced Saizo's foot abruptly.

Yelping, Saizo jumped up from his kneeling position. The cheaply made bath shuttered from the applied weight, allowing the stone slab to totter like a buzzed drunk. Plucking the pointed object out of his broken layers of his skin, he held it up to the light, squinting. The quaint moment was thereby shattered, materializing into the blood dripping from Saizo's foot.

"Where the hell were you even keeping this?!", he demanded. "You're naked!"

"Well, in your words", Sasuke laughed confidently, running a hand through his haircut and therefore sending a dozen other weapons tumbling into the water, "I do have one hairy body."

* * *

_AN: Remember to use soap while shaving._


End file.
